Divorce a la Americana
Lawyers drool, judges weep, children become pawns of lesser gods
The American way of life certainly is easy. That is unless you’re going through a divorce. Divorce comes in so many packages—there really is no such thing as a Designer Divorce unless you have a prenuptial. But even those legal promises can be broken. For brevity’s sake allow me to break down divorce into categories: a) divorce with children. b) Divorce sans children. c) Divorce with money d) divorce with money AND children.
a) Divorce with children: Regardless of who did what to whom there is only one guarantee in this scenario. Daddy or Mommy will make monthly child support payments until the offspring reach 18. The children involved will pay dearly for the rest of their lives and most likely will pass along at least some of their emotional forfeiture and debris to the generation(s) to follow. Don’t let anyone even try to rationalize or jolly themselves out of this one.
b) Divorce sans children: Two adults have obviously made a mistake. Split the sheets and be mature about it, unless you fall into category c).
c) Divorce with MONEY: Here is where it gets interesting. Most wealthy couples don’t step into matrimonial bliss solely for each other’s money. Usually there is old family money involved or a pre-marital fortune has been amassed. Enter the classic Prenuptial Agreement. Granted there will always be gold-diggers (her), and gold-miners (him). The tabloids are rife with Anna Nicoles and Zsa Zsas ad nauseum. There are sly slick divorce attorneys out there ad nauseum, too. Ergo no prenuptial is truly ironclad, but a divorce with m-o-n-e-y makes for great fodder and Lifetime movies.
d) Divorce with money AND children: Ah, the wicked truly are sticky! Tis the rare moneyed couple-with-family-torn-asunder that settles peacefully and painlessly out of court. No, this is generally the arena where all semblance of decency is tossed to the lions along with the babies in their nappies. Lawyers drool, judges weep, children become pawns of lesser gods.
Unfortunately, in the preponderance of cases, Daddy brought the money to the marriage or acquired it in the course thereof, therefore Mommy may find herself trying to claw her way out of a cesspool of innuendo: she becomes an adulterous slut, alcoholic, drug addict, and a vicious catamount in general.
Mommy may find her credit cards and bank accounts frozen indefinitely while the lawyers gleefully cash in their hefty checks. The children may find themselves abandoned while mommy and daddy duke it out in depositions and in court. Acrimony becomes fair trade for alimony and child support.
Divorce isn’t pretty. A vow before God or Deity has been broken. A love is shattered. It could be worse: There are countries where the definition of a divorcée is a broken woman who lies stoned to death or maimed for life. With roughly half of American marriages ending in divorce, herein lies a whopping need for clarity, sanity, and therapy—if not for the adults then, please God, for the children.